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Birds on a Wire folk Festival was quite a great event. I went into it excited about the lineup but not really knowing what to expect for turnout at the stage and time slot I was assigned. The lineup did turn out great and as with most well done festivals it was even difficult to see all the bands I wanted to see! Al James, Justin Townes Earle, Tony Kevin, Jenna Conrad (Avian’s Alight), Joel Smith, Hueco, Cataldo, The Old Believers, Laura Gibson and Damien Jurado. I thoroughly enjoyed each one. And I felt special to witness Horse Feather’s performance in the Belltower where they got two standing ovations and played one of the most beautiful, breathtakingly intimate sets I have seen them perform.

My set happened at the Belltower also, an old church that has been renovated into a event/venue facility. High ceilings, stained glass, thick etherial reverb and pews for chairs all added to the wonderful vibe. I played at 5pm so it was still light out and I could see each bright face in the audience gazing towards me. I knew as I sang the first notes of my beginning song, that it was going to be a genuinely good feeling performance.

The audience was with me during every song and even in between songs. I felt like I could talk to them and they even laughed at my silly remarks! Not to mention their applause sounded huge in the room with so much natural reverb. I felt confident enough to share a few new songs that I haven’t played out yet and I even got an encore at the end of the set. Boy that felt great.

Sometimes I don’t believe in myself, even just a little bit. And I need the help of other people to show that they believe in me to start believing in myself again. This weekend I got that help I was really aching for.

So, thanks Larson and Bethany Hicks (and all the other festival volunteers) and everyone who came to watch my set this weekend. I so deeply appreciate it and am so excited for this festival to continue in the future. It was such a great expression of the music community in the Northwest.

Reflection at the end of the year is one of my most cherished activities. It sends me into a blissful state of thanksgiving to think of all the grace I have experienced over the past three hundred and sixty-five days.

2009 began in Seattle at the Round where I had the opportunity to meet Shannon Stephens. The room was packed, I had new songs and was feeling excited about being honored with an invitation to the Seattle Round. A lot of my music career in the past two years has revolved around Seattle. Playing inspiring shows, watching incredible bands, and recording music with Kory Kruckenberg and his cast of musical friends. So many people in Seattle have encouraged me. This year has not been an exception.

In the midst of playing shows in early ‘09 I was toiling over what do to with the album that Kory and I had finished at the end of 2008. Tim Walsh had mastered all the tracks, I picked a name and even prepared the artwork to the point of satisfaction. Now what? So many people were telling me completely opposite things. Try to shop it!…Self-release, you will be better off…Be patient. Hold on to it, that’s just how things work in the record industry these days. Well, not only was I not sure of who to listen to, I’m also stubborn and impatient. I didn’t know how to shop a record and didn’t have anyone that knew how and wanted to help me shop it. So, I did what I’ve always known how to do. Do it yourself.

This decision making process was not easy and went on for a while. So, while I was deciding I kept playing shows. Kaylee Cole and I did a really awesome weekend tour in the northwest in February. Singing along to Wolf Parade and Nick Jaina at the top of our lungs! Near after that I put together a northwest tour for Power und Beauty. Lets just say, our band name sums up pretty much everything we have ever done.

For my new album, the decision was made, the artwork sent off, release venue booked and the money borrowed to manufacture the albums. Still not sure if I made the right choice with how I released the album, but I don’t necessarily regret it. The release show in April was held at the Bing Crosby Theater, my favorite venue in Spokane. There was over 250 people there, the biggest show I’ve headlined. It was magical and special and wonderful. I felt so blessed and supported and loved by my friends and musical community here in Spokane. I’m not sure how to recaptured the feeling I felt at that show. I felt so sure of myself and what I was doing.

Following the release I was excited to have quite a few blogs and press clips reviewing the album. I had put together a band to tour (Caleb, Henry Nordstrom and Vaughn Wood) and promote the release in April. I won’t go too far into that tour. It was not magic. I did not feel confident in myself and have spent a lot of time since then trying to recuperate from some of the soul damage I have experienced from that tour. But if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that expectations can kill you and even when you are feeling good about music, you can feel really horrible about the business of music…which can then turn into feeling bad about the music itself.

Looking back I realize that I became a bit more cynical and disillusioned after that tour. I posted a blog on May 18th called “Making it Work” that I read with new eyes today. I’ve realized so much this year and been letting myself heal from some of the self-inflicted wounds. Being a Musician is such an emotionally complicated road with so many unknowns and so much heartbreak. But, like my dear friend Carmen commented on that blog I posted in May, there’s nothing like live music. And there’s nothing like sharing what you have created straight from your heart to any number of people.

On through May I played some shows in California on my way to my friend Karlee’s wedding and played a really great full band show at Neumo’s and then a really nice solo show at the new Mississippi Studios. I did another wonderful west side tour with Kaylee Cole on her first full band tour at the beginning of June.

In July I had an amazing treat to tour around the northwest with my boyfriend/drummers brother Scott Ryan and his band from LA. They are phenomenal musicians and we had a great time playing all different kinds of venues. Highlights were House of Paine with Tony Kevin and the insane Downtown Crossing in Sandpoint.

I spent some time with family in Colorado later in July and got a second chance to play in Denver after having the snowstorm incident in April. Coming home I got to play with Joel Smith at his album release show in Spokane which was not only a momentous occasion for him but for me as well. Joel and I have spent so much time together playing music, it was so exciting for me to what him do something he has worked so hard to complete.

September was a break. I’m not even sure what I did that month.

October I traveled to the East Coast and had musical culture shock. My dear friend Kimber Ludiker hosted me on a month-long bluegrass bootcamp experience where I was immersed in all different kinds of traditional music. It was a fantastic experience and I was proud to check New York and Boston off my list of great cities I have played.

November feels like it was just yesterday. Another release show for the Followed EP and another two week tour with a band. This time with 0 expectations. We were blessed with great shows and great friends and a lot of fun. I’m still not sure if it was the change of expectations that made things better or the actual facts of the tour. Either way, it was a great tour.

December has seen the farewell of one of my favorite venue locations in Spokane (Empyrean), the fourth Christmas show with Caroline Fowler and a really fun new experience in the Tri-cities with the Home for Christmas event with Monte Ingersoll.

And here we are on December 29th. Roughly 65 shows I have performed this year in 9 states, 3 releases, one new accordion, a new loop pedal, a fancy pedal board made by my multi-talented brother and my trusty vintage Kay going strong on our second year together. Today we are heading out in a few minutes to end this year of great experiences in Seattle with Noah Gundersen and his band the Courage at the Triple Door. What a way to end things and get geared up for 2010.

Thank you to everyone for all of your grace and support this year. Thanks to my family and close friends for putting up with my emotional swings with music and thank you to everyone who has connected with my songs. You are the reason I play!

I’m going to just finish off the tour blogging at once here, so hold with me or skip around to your cities of choice…this could be a long one.

PHOENIX: Although it was a long drive over to Phoenix for one show, it was definitely worth it. River Jones Music label, a fresh new indie label in Phoenix had contacted me a while back about coming down to do a show in the area. River, the owner of the label helped connect us with the show at Modified Arts and was very hospitable and welcoming to us. It seems like there are some cool things brewing in Phoenix with music. It was great to see a scene that I had never seen before and some new bands outside of my sphere. My favorite band that played with us through the night was called POEM, they had some pretty sweet tunes and even brought in their own upright piano.

On our drive back to LA I swear we passed through the place where they filmed the part of Romeo and Juliet where Leonardo Dicaprio is in the desert at the sketchy trailer park. Talk about beautiful scenery.

COSTA MESA: Back in Orange County country we played a show at the Krochet Kids headquarters. They have a new warehouse space the they operate out of. They even built their fancy new conference/office space area just in time for us to turn it into a stage for the show. Gospel Swamp, some local coffee roasters came out to brew for the crowd and the college kids came in droves! There was probably around 70 kids mingling and having a jolly time throughout the night. They didn’t pay a ton of attention to the actual show, but it was cool to see so much flannel and toms shoes in one room. Scott Ryan also played a set that was really fun and Krochet Kids raffled off a bunch of beanies and shirts to some lucky attendees.

SANTA ANA: Next day I was feeling pretty worn out and under the weather so I slept in and took a nice long nap. It was good preparation for our two sets we had planned in Santa Ana. The first was at this cool art walk and the second was at the Gypsy Den. The first time I was in Orange County, my friend Shannon took me to the Gypsy den and I was in love. It was cool to play there because the atmosphere is so bohemian and cool. There was a mix of people there, some for the show and some who just happened to be eating dinner. A big group, a family or something was in the middle of their meal near the front when we started. I was afraid we would shoo them away with our louder songs, but they really got into it and stayed for the whole show. I love it when that happens. Scott Ryan and his band played at this show with us also, which is always awesome. I never tire of hearing them play.

LOS ANGELES: Sunday was supposed to be our show in Santa Cruz, but it got canceled so we were left to be creative with our day. My dad suggested we get ahold of his friend Deb who helps run a pretty funky church in downtown LA. He thought we might be able to do some music at their Sunday night gathering. They were down, so we stayed an extra day in So-cal and boy were we glad. It ended up being the best night of our tour. We played a short set during the church service, a few of my more contemplative songs and a few hymns and gillian welch spirituals that I jotted down on some notepaper for the band. After the service we had so many requests for more tunes that we played a whole other set.

Those moments in a performance setting where you just know deep down that the words you are singing were cosmically prepared for that exact situation and those exact ears…this felt like one of those moments. We all connected so well with the group of people and felt so welcomed. It was hard to leave not knowing when we would see these new friends again.

SAN FRANCISCO: As you may have noticed in previous blog entries this year, I have made it clear that booking shows in san fran has been the bane of my existence. But for the first time in all my trips to the Bay area, I got connected with a good venue, some rad musicians and got to play in front of a crowd of neat folks. Alana Sveta really made it happen for us and was so welcoming. It’s been awesome to see her play every time I’ve gone to San Francisco and amazing to see how much she’s grown as a songwriter and musician. She’s quite talented and unique. Another amazing little songstress played a solo set before us named Emily (something?). She was a crazy fusion of Marissa Nadler and Devendra Banhart, channeling all of the freak folk movement with her vocal affectations and doing it with natural ease and smart lyrics. She even tasefully covered “Scrubs” by TLC. Total highlight. The show was a great exclamation point at the end of a great tour.

I feel good and satisfied about our shows and the amount of cd’s we got rid of and the amount of money left in the band pot after burning hundreds of gallons of gas into the atmosphere. So, thanks friends, thanks band of beardies, thanks Melani bear for putting up with the hard floors and fast food, and thanks west coast for continuing to prove to me that you are the best place in the world I have explored as a musician thus far. Until next time…